Updated: Nov 3, 2020
There’s a lot of components to planning a wedding and it can seem overwhelming and stressful, but don’t worry because I’ve compiled some of the most common worries and how you can solve them.
Planning my wedding is causing issues with my family
This is one of the most common issues engaged couples face that they may not have had to pay to much attention to before. From in-family feuding to pushy parents who want to get over-involved. Each family different and trust me, no one knows better than you and how to deal with your family so stay calm and trust your gut.
But remember, you can’t please everyone. And you shouldn’t try to. People can be selfish and make their own feelings and issues their priority instead of your wedding being about you and your happiness. Learn to accept this and either compromise if that’s something you feel ok with or make the difficult decisions and then let go of the guilt and move on.
Open communication, both ways, can be uncomfortable but is important to solve any issues that arise and will help to reach that compromise or it may make you realise it was a miscommunication and you were stressing over nothing. Being able to see something from someone else’s point of view will help you to understand their motives. While some people are genuinely selfish, often there can be an underlying issue you’re not aware of – the overbearing mother who is getting too involved may be doing it because she just wants to be included and has been as excited about your wedding day as you have been since you were a child. Or maybe she has so many opinions and suggestions because she has regrets about her own wedding and wants to ensure the same doesn’t happen to you. Or the bridesmaid who doesn’t like her dress might not be doing it to be difficult but because it stems from her own insecurities about the way she looks.
I'm scared of being the centre of attention
Sorry to say but this is inevitable, it is YOUR wedding day. The best way to get around this one is to change your mindset. People will be staring at you but not because they’re judging or criticising your every move but because they love you and they’re there to celebrate your wedding with you.
If this still feels too much for you, then plan the schedule of your day for whatever makes you feel comfortable. Whatever fills you with dread, don’t do it. You don’t have to follow the typical structure of a wedding. You don’t have to walk down the aisle. You don’t have to do a first dance. You don’t have to do a show about cutting the cake. Cut out the elements you don’t like and so something different instead, it’s your wedding.
I feel like planning my wedding is causing me stress/anxiety/depression
As soon as you get engaged you get constant questions and reminders of your approaching wedding day. People are trying to be kind and taking an interest but to you, it can seem overwhelming with how much you have to plan. Don’t get the emotions of being anxious about your wedding confused with not wanting to get married. Be kind to yourself, take a break and put your mental health first.
Remember it’s only one day of your life, it may be an important day but ultimately it is only a day.
Talk to someone. Don’t keep things bottled up as it will only make you feel worse in the long run. As you talk through things you may find some clarity on the situation.
Take your time with planning your wedding and ignore the external pressure, break down the tasks you need to complete into manageable chunks and work through them, do the easiest ones first can help you to feel like you’re accomplishing things quicker.
Make sure you take time off from wedding planning. Practice some self-care and treat yourself. Don’t let your wedding consume all of your time and energy.
Don’t feel restricted by tradition or what people expect of you. Dreading the idea of a first dance in front of all your guests? Then don’t do it. Feel like your budget is getting out of control? Then cut out things like wedding favours. Remember your mental health comes first so do whatever you need to. And don’t feel the need to seek approval from others.
When you tick big things off your to-do list then celebrate! Remind yourself that you’re doing amazing!
I'm worried things are going to go really wrong on my wedding day
Unfortunately, things won’t always go perfectly on your wedding day, but hopefully, it will be something so minor you and your guests will barely notice. Don’t try and control everything, it will only lead to more stress, just enjoy your wedding day and let things go.
Don’t panic by tormenting yourself with all the things that could go wrong, it’s not productive. However, it is a good idea to have back up plans in place, if anything goes wrong, you’ll be able to quickly fix it and it will put your mind at rest that any disasters won’t destroy your wedding. I wrote a blog post about five things that are most likely to go wrong that you can plan for and fix easily, you can check that out here.
I'm not happy with the way I look/I want to lose weight before my wedding
Once you get engaged there’s a barrage of information on how to lose weight for your wedding, whether it’s in bridal magazines, at your dress fitting and ads that get targeted at engaged women. It can feel like losing weight for you wedding is mandatory, if you don’t then you’re not putting in enough effort but this is simply not true and it’s your choice what you do with your body.
Sometimes an impending wedding can give people the kick they need to get back to the gym and get healthy and that’s great if that’s what you want to do. But making drastic, life-altering changes to your lifestyle and diet to get into a smaller dress will just make you feel miserable and weak and will add to the stress you feel.
You are beautiful and you will look beautiful on your wedding day, no matter what size you are.
I hate having my photo taken and I'm dreading what my wedding photos will look like
When you look at a photo of someone else do you pick out all the flaws of that person? It’s likely your answer is no so why do we do it to ourselves when we see our own photograph? You’ve put so much effort into your wedding and it would be a shame not to memorialise the day with photo evidence that you can look back on in years to come.
If you’re not keen on formal portrait style photographs then choose a photographer who will take documentary-style photos, but my advice is still to spend a quick amount of getting of time getting some formal photos with your other half and your wedding party.
Get comfortable being in front of the camera and don’t shy away from it. It might help to organise an engagement shoot so you can practice, it will also give you a chance to work with your photographer beforehand. Try out different angles and expressions to see what works for you, you can even do this in front of a mirror. Speak to your photographer about your concerns, they’ll be able to give you some guidance.
I don't want to invite children to my wedding but I don't want to upset anyone
You know whether you want children at your wedding or not. If you do then remember it can be a long day and they tend to need constant entertainment and you will need to speak to your caterer about providing some kids meals for them.
If you’re not going to invite children, whether it’s because of budget reasons, venue capacity or you simply don’t want children there and you want the full attention of the adults, then it may cause friction with some of your guests but ultimately, it’s up to you. In order to ease any potential tension. make your invitations clear so there’s no confusion, you may also want to follow-up with a courtesy phone call to explain the situation. If you do decide not to invite children then this will need to be a blanket rule so as not to offend anyone, the only exception being children that are involved in your wedding party, such as flower girls and page boys, or your own children obviously.
I'm scared of being married and things going wrong
Are you apprehensive about your wedding day and how it’s going to go or are you worried about what happens afterwards when you’re married?
If you think you’re marrying the wrong person then that’s an issue you really need to think through carefully. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed. But you do need to fix the problem quickly. Don’t let going through the process of planning a wedding stop you from exploring your feelings and expressing them.
But don’t confuse this with the feelings of ‘cold feet’ where the concept of marrying one person for the rest of your life can be completely overwhelming. You’re about to make one of the biggest commitments of your life, and some nervous butterflies are to be expected. Being married shouldn’t change the day-to-day dynamic of your relationship drastically. You still need to have the independence you had before married life and you still need to be communicating and working on your relationship. Sorry to say but a wedding doesn’t mean it’s happily ever after from here on out. The great thing about being married is the safety and security that you’ve chosen one another and you are part of the same team.
I hope this advice has helped if you have any other concerns that I’ve missed please feel free to reach out and ask. You can find out more about the services I offer here and get in touch with me via email at email@example.com.